Recovery Acres
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Mission
    • CARE for Women Clinical Team
    • Testimonials
    • Admissions
    • Accreditation
    • News
  • Programs
    • Treatment Programs for Men
    • Treatment Programs for Women
  • Events
    • Events
    • Event Photos
  • Alumni
    • Men’s Alumni
    • Women’s Alumni
  • Blog
  • Contact
    • Contact
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
  • Donate Now

Why Do I Get Angry at Christmas?

December 22, 2017 by Recovery Acres in 1835 House, Addiction Recovery, Co-occurring Mental Health Disorders, Recovery Acres (Calgary) Society, Substance Use Disorders, Uncategorized
Asking "Why do I get angry at Christmas?" was the beginning of creating better holidays for TD and his family.

TD, 1835 House Alumni and volunteer.

Holidays aren’t always happy times. When TD got into recovery a little over 24 years ago, he started to notice an emotional pattern.  “Why do I get so angry at Christmas?” he asked.  “I realized the surface stuff. That I had crumby Christmases growing up. But it goes deeper than that.” It took a lot of personal work and insight before TD understood his anger completely.

Dysfunctional Holidays

On New Year’s Eve when TD was six years old, he got drunk for the first time. He was at a party with his mom and stepdad at a neighbor’s house. It was a time when children were allowed a small glass of wine or sherry to celebrate the holidays. Kids being kids, they managed to sneak refills all night while the adults focused on their own drinking.

TD’s parents left the party without him and eventually the neighbors sent him home. He recalls stumbling to his house and getting into bed. “I got the bed spins. You know, constantly getting up to throw up. So I slept on the bathroom floor.”

Two other children had also been drinking. The next time TD saw them, the trio built up the experience until it was larger than life. “We only talked about how cool we were. How much fun we had. How awesome that was. In my mind, I was desperate to go and do it again,” he says. “Talk about the mental attitude of being an alcoholic.”

A Family Disease

It was frame of mind that TD knew well. His mother and stepdad were big partiers and their drinking shaped his childhood. “I always felt like I was an inconvenience to their partying lifestyle,” TD said. “They just wanted to look after themselves.” TD’s parents often shuffled him off to his grandparents so they could drink. They would offer him money to go away and entertain himself.

This form of neglect left TD alone a lot. It also gave him ample opportunity to stay out late with older kids and skip school. It led to what TD characterizes as a number of addictive behaviors – excessive shopping and spending, sugar and junk food binging, heavy smoking, and a steady escalation of drinking and drug use.

Ending the Cycle

More than 20 years ago, TD received a plaque commemorating his first year in recovery. Today, he no longer gets angry at Christmas.

TD points to the plaque at 1835 House that marks his first year of sobriety.

By the time TD was 25 years old, he hit bottom and entered residential addiction treatment at 1835 House. Something he discovered while writing out his Step One came as a shock. “It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I had been high for 10 years.”

It was the beginning of a recovery process that would include much more than just stopping substance use. “I had no life skills. I’d only ever been an addict. I’d never been taught how to be a qualified member of society and a good human being.”

Over the course of three months TD diligently worked the 12 Steps, attended meetings, met with counsellors, and learned from the 1835 community. It wasn’t easy, but it did yield results. TD learned that his problem with anger was bigger than just being angry all the time. “Growing up as a man I was taught you don’t show your emotions. You don’t cry. You be tough,” he said. “I started to recognize that any negative emotions I had in my life, I only had one way to express them – anger. So if I am disappointed, I’m angry. If I’m hurt, I’m angry.” Getting better meant learning to recognize and process a full scope of emotions.

Angry at Christmas

Emotional growth lead to a deeper understanding about why TD became angry at Christmas and during the holidays. It stemmed back to a spontaneous trip his parents took to Vegas. So spontaneous that TD’s mom woke him in the middle of the night to say she was leaving money for him. The next day when TD ran through the empty house trying to find someone, it was the money on the table that jogged his memory.

TD recalls a junk food free-for-all at Macs and Dairy Queen. There were long stretches of being alone. Monday at school, he bought Slurpee’s for his friends, or people he wanted to be his friends. “By Wednesday afternoon the adults in my life, teachers, came to realize what was going on.” That a seven year old boy had been left to fend for himself for a week.

Teachers made arrangements for a neighbor and TD’s grandparents to look after him until his parents returned. “My parents came home from Vegas with presents.” That’s when TD started to view gifts as compensation. “We don’t really like you. We don’t really want you around. You’re a big inconvenience for us. The only way we can say we love you is here’s a bunch of stuff. Here’s a bunch of gifts.”

Building Better Christmases

Once TD made that connection, it was easy to see how being angry at Christmas was really triggered emotions. The life skills and knowledge he gained through working a recovery program over a quarter of a century helped him make different decisions around Christmas, now that he had a choice.

TD started to create more meaningful holiday traditions with his own family. This year, there won’t be a lot of gifts under the tree. What there will be is quality time. “I am very excited about this Christmas, I really am,” says TD. “We just moved to a new house so I am very excited to decorate, and spend time with my kids.”

Gifts of Recovery

The ability to be a good father and pass along life skills to his daughters is one of the most important gifts TD has to give. “I worked so hard to improve myself. To make myself a better person and to try and give of myself,” TD says.

He remembers a time in active addiction when he looked at his firstborn and feared, “She’ll be next.” So much has changed since then. “When I look at my little girls, ‘she’ll be next’, means she’ll be responsible. She will be neat and clean, and caring, and loving. That’s the greatest benefit of my recovery.”

Tweet
Share
Pin it
Previous StoryRunning for Recovery Next StoryChange in Leadership
  • Popular
  • Latest
  • Comments
  • 13th June 2018

     Alcohol a Growing Problem for Canadian Women

  • The CARE for Women Story 22nd June 2018

     The CARE for Women Story

  • Recovery Month 29th September 2017

     Recovery Month

  • The Importance of Alumni 22nd June 2018

     The Importance of Alumni

  • Get to Know Dan 11th June 2018

     Get to Know Dan

  • The CARE for Women Story 22nd June 2018

     The CARE for Women Story

  • The Importance of Alumni 22nd June 2018

     The Importance of Alumni

  • Emotions and Recovery From Addiction 22nd June 2018

     Emotions and Recovery From Addiction

  • 13th June 2018

     Alcohol a Growing Problem for Canadian Women

  • Get to Know Dan 11th June 2018

     Get to Know Dan

  • 83107 Decpm17 2016

     TV SHOW HELPS LAUNCH RECOVERY ACRES WOMEN’S PROGRAM

  • Photos from Party in the Park 143107 PM00000070000002431 2016

     Photos from Party in the Park

  • Recovery Acres on CTV 63107 ndUTCp31UTC12bUTCFri, 22 Dec 2017 19:55:24 +0000 2016

     Recovery Acres on CTV

  • Metro News article about our new women’s treatment facility 93107 ndUTCp31UTC12bUTCFri, 22 Dec 2017 19:55:24 +0000 2016

     Metro News article about our new women’s treatment facility

  • Calgary Herald article about our women’s treatment program 143107 ndUTCp31UTC12bUTCFri, 22 Dec 2017 19:55:24 +0000 2016

     Calgary Herald article about our women’s treatment program

CATEGORIES

  • 1835 House
  • About Us
  • Addiction
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Alcoholism
  • Alumni
  • CARE (Co-occurring Addiction Recovery Essentials) for Women
  • CARE for Women
  • Co-occurring Mental Health Disorders
  • Event Photos
  • News
  • Recovery
  • Recovery Acres
  • Recovery Acres (Calgary) Society
  • Substance Use Disorders
  • Uncategorized
  • Women's Mental Health

Tags

1835 House Addiction Recovery Addiction Treatment addictions Alcoholism calgary CARE for Women City TV Co-occurring Disorders Eau Claire Run fundraising Halloween metro news recovery Recovery Acres Recovery Acres Society Recovery Month Recovery Run 2017 Running in YYC sober volunteer women and addiction women in recovery yyc

ABOUT

Recovery Acres is a registered charity and non-profit organization that operates a fully accredited addiction treatment center.

We have helped over 13,000 people over more than 40 years through our men’s treatment center, 1835 House.

In September 2016, Recovery Acres launched the Co-occurring Addiction Recovery Essentials (CARE) for Women program.

ARCHIVES

  • June 2018
  • December 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • May 2016
Recovery Acres Charity Golf Fundraiser

21st Annual Recovery Acres Charity Golf FUNdraiser

July 23, 2018 – Pinebrook Golf and Country Club

Learn more!

WHO WE ARE

  • About Us
  • Accreditation
  • Admissions

WHAT WE DO

  • Treatment for Men
  • Treatment for Women
  • News
  • Event Photos

FIND US ELSEWHERE

  • CARE for Women
  • Recovery Acres
  • Recovery Acres
© 2016 Recovery Acres All Rights Reserved